


Trigger

by derelover



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King, it 2019 - Fandom
Genre: Character Study, Crush, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, M/M, Pining, The Hammock (IT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26237059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derelover/pseuds/derelover
Summary: Eddie has many triggers, but only one that he actually loves.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 31





	Trigger

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own It or its characters.  
> This timeline is slightly different, it doesn’t immediately take place after the rock fight. My first It fanfic here, hope you enjoy:)

“Mommy, please can I go with my friends for a while?’

Eddie anxiously watched his mother paint her nails once again with glitter pink polish. The living room is filled with the constant low hum of his mom’s daytime shows.

“Eddie-bear, you’re getting over your serious illness, remember?” He clenched his teeth in barely suppressed rage.

Somewhere deep in his subconscious, he screams, _I’m not sick! I have never been seriously ill in my whole life!_ Eddie always blocks out that part of himself because within that subconscious also worries, _I have never been attracted to... a girl before, is that normal? Maybe I am sick?_

“Ma, I only have allergies that made my voice sound funny. My friends and I will be inside Bill’s house the whole time.” Eddie lies. He knows his mom would never approve of him going to check out Ben’s clubhouse he supposedly built underground. His mom would immediately refuse and lock him inside this prison he calls home at just the chance of dust allergies.

“As long as you stay inside the whole time, you may go.” Eddie sighs under his breath in relief. “Ok, see you later, Ma!” He quickly exits the living room to leave, only to hear his mother’s stern voice. “Are you leaving before giving my goodbye kiss?” He groans quietly and plasters a neutral expression on his face as he quickly approaches his mom. He cringes as he kisses her, thankful that his friends weren’t there to see this again.

_Do you want one from me too, Mrs. K?_

Eddie clenches his fists and makes it halfway past the door, only to hear his mom shout, “Be here promptly at six for dinner!” He mumbles fine as he finally shuts the front door, free at last. At least, for a few hours.  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Eddie gleefully puts on his shower cap and blesses Stan for his brilliant thinking once more in his mind. Only to hear, “Stanley, we’re not afraid of fucking spiders!”

Stan walks away, annoyed and when the boy lying the hammock sees the rest of the losers, he says, “I stand corrected.” Before Eddie can stop himself, he tears the shower cap off in hopes of some sort of _approval_ as he keeps his paranoid eyes on him. Why _him_? He berates himself. His opinion shouldn’t matter. Eddie can feel the confused eyes of the other losers in his out-of-character actions. He doesn’t care. All he can see is that his eyes aren’t on _Eddie_ , but a meaningless comic book. As he puts his shower cap down, all he hears is one thing:

 _He should be focused on_ _me._

_Richie._

A trigger goes off in Eddie’s brain whenever he thinks of that name. First, he feels friendly annoyance mixed with reluctant affection. Then, a warm feeling, like that feeling of opening the present you always wanted on Christmas morning, like that feeling of crawling into bed after a long day of school---safe, warm, content. Finally, he feels uncontrollable _rage_ , as if he has flames on his skin as if someone flipped a literal switch that told him to be angry, get loud, _be paid attention to_.

“Hey Rich, your ten minutes are up.” He eagerly awaits his response, only for Richie to emotionlessly ask, “What are you talking about?” The trigger in his brain goes off immediately. “The hammock. Ten minutes each was the rule.” Richie glanced around mockingly. “I don’t see any sign.” Eddie exploded. He needed a reason. “Are you being this way right now?! No, no, no. Why would there be a sign if there was a verbal agreement?! I remember you. Agreeing. On the. Fucking. Rule!” He shouted through Richie’s protests because he needed a reason. A reason to be... close without consequences. He jumped into the hammock, determined to have his way.

They struggled as Eddie kicked his limbs, trying to get comfortable in a hammock that now held two people. “I can see your vagina!” Richie yells, referring to their dizzying proximity. Eddie defends himself with, “Ten minutes each!”

“Go back in you're dumb little corner!”

“I fucked your mom!”

“No, you didn’t! Take that back, dickface!”

“Fuck you!”

“That's exactly what your mom told me!"

“Your ass has been in there for twenty-three minutes!”

Their usual giddy bickering has become a constant hum in the Loser’s Club. Like a song playing in the background while they talk calmly as if it isn’t even there. He’s caught Stanley rolling his eyes in annoyance many times but he could never find it in himself to care. If the losers were truly bothered by their antics, they never show it. It was just them. One of the parts that made up The Loser’s Club. They finally settled down and Eddie tried to focus on the comic book in front of him when he felt the pressure of Richie’s hand on his ankle. The trigger goes off so fast that he feels as if he was standing on the edge of a cliff and barely escaped with his life.

Eddie barely hears Richie’s contribution to Ben and Bev’s conversation of leaving Derry. He always felt an irritating pull in himself to have the other boy’s attention. _Even if he was treated as a thorn in Richie’s side at times_ , Eddie thought as Richie roughly pushed his foot away from him. He tuned out the conversation again when Richie focused his attention on his comic once again.

Eddie took this as an opportunity to study him. He noticed Richie was always looking for something to have his attention on. Whether it be reading a comic book, cracking a joke, or, most of all, making fun of him. Everyone uses the distractions of life as their next thing to focus on, so they don’t have to focus on themselves. They are afraid to focus on themselves because it means learning more about yourself. If they know they have something they do not wish to focus on, they’ll focus on literally anything else, until, one day, they won’t have that choice. He wonders if Richie has something he wants to avoid focusing on. Eddie knows he does. It’s one of the reasons he appreciates Richie’s friendship so much. Out of all the losers, he knows Richie will be the thing he can focus on, and feel amazing. Eddie is so caught up in his thoughts, he doesn’t realize his face is an expression of pure contentment and love.

“Stan, you should go with Mike to Florida. You already act eighty, you’d clean up with all the grandma’s.” Richie makes kissy faces while everyone else laughs.

Eddie always seems to laugh the loudest at his jokes. Which is strange, considering how he’s also the one who’s always calling him annoying or telling him to shut up. Eddie has figured from since the beginning, Richie knows Eddie is never being serious. He never wants him to be quiet because Richie wouldn’t be Richie if he was quiet. Richie and silence just didn’t go together. Richie and being loud, it was like peanut butter and jelly, spaghetti and meatballs, or even, Richie and Eddie themselves.

 _They were like those things_ , he realized. Always a pair, attached at the hip, never to be considered as separate. He feels comfort at the thought of them always being together, Richie and Eddie, and the rest of the Losers Club. _Stan doesn’t have to worry_ , he thought confidently as he continued to capture Richie’s attention with his feet. He would never allow himself to be separated from his friends. They were his everything.

_He was his everything._

Eddie has always had a trigger for everything. When he first started using his inhaler and taking all his medications, he had a trigger.

First, he felt the prickles of germs on his body or the breathlessness he knew wasn’t there. Then, he felt pure panic. Eddie has always felt out of control with his emotions. He feels everything too deeply. Anger at Richie. Anger at his mother. Joy from being with his friends. Joy from feeling the freedom of being away from his mother. Love for Richie and his friends. Conflicting feelings of love for pleasing his mother. He hated the feeling of panic because it was like all those emotions he feels every day multiplied by one hundred. And finally, he feels artificial relief from taking the medication that he always knew, deep down, was fake.

He had a trigger for many things: school, his schedule, and his need to stay away from germs and being...dirty. But the trigger he feels with Richie has always been his favorite. It’s the one trigger he has that has no negative feelings attached to it. Only love. Eddie never wants to forget a trigger that he used to think was a burden to have, feeling everything at once. He could never regret developing a trigger for something that has only positive feelings attached.

_Richie is the trigger he loves to have._


End file.
